The Cup of Silence

New Blog

2009-03-25T18:32:00.002-05:00

Wintertime Playlist

2008-11-28T21:48:00.001-06:00

Music

2008-11-23T22:17:00.001-06:00

2007-05-26T02:22:00.001-05:00

John The Revelator

2007-05-22T22:17:00.000-05:00

I have been reading Revelation, this month. Some things stick out, like this:

(Chapter 7)

13Then one of the elders answered, saying to me, "These who are clothed in the white robes, who are they, and where have they come from?"

¹⁴I said to him, "My lord, you know." And he said to me, "These are the ones who come out of the great tribulation, and they have washed their robes and made them white in the blood of the Lamb.

¹⁵"For this reason, they are before the throne of God; and they serve Him day and night in His temple; and He who sits on the throne will spread His tabernacle over them.

¹⁶"They will hunger no longer, nor thirst anymore; nor will the sun beat down on them, nor any heat;

¹⁷for the Lamb in the center of the throne will be their shepherd, and will guide them to springs of the water of life; and God will wipe every tear from their eyes."

What Are The Top Five Songs That Make You Cry?

2007-04-28T17:48:00.000-05:00

(In no specific order)

Watch The Lamb - Ray Boltz

If You Want To Get free - Don Chaffer

It Is Well With My Soul - Horatio Spafford

Lover - Derek Webb

Thank You - Ray Boltz (as sung by Doug Gibson)

Die To Live

2007-04-27T18:40:00.000-05:00

I have been thinking allot about how we, as Christ’s body relate to God (relate as in commune, understand, communicate, live, ect.). I have been listening to my pastor’s podcasts, and interestingly enough, a reoccurring theme recently has been exactly that. Here is a life-saving bit that I have discovered within the past couple of weeks:

John 12

23And Jesus answered them, saying, "The hour has come for the Son of Man tobe glorified. 24"Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit. 25"He who loves his life loses it, and he who hates his life in this world will keep it to life eternal. 26"If anyone serves Me, he must follow Me; and where I am, there My servant will be also; if anyone serves Me, the Father will honor him.

This might be the first time I have ever really studied this idea that wee need to lose our lives to gain real life, or in this case (Christ’s example), die in order to become fruitful.

In one of the podcasts, Dave (pastor) makes a statement that he doesn’t trust people who perceivably have no suffering in their life, and that times of suffering are when we probably are closest to our Savior.

Another passage that drove this home for me was one that I have probably read a hundred times, but didn’t understand until last week:

Philippians 3

7But whatever things were gain to me, those things I have counted as loss for the sake of Christ.

I always interpreted this passage as saying that all of these things aren’t worth, to my flesh, what God has for life. But I think that Paul is saying that following Christ and dying to yourself is like loosing something that you don’t want to loose. And it is painful. It should be considered a loss of something you love, and dying to that thing, but gaining everything by doing so.

All I Want For Christmas Is A Dark Room

2007-04-10T22:02:00.000-05:00

I was perusing a gypsy camp in Des Moines about a year and a half ago, when I stumbled upon a box under a table of baby clothes (and when I say table, I mean two saw horses with a piece of plywood on top). The box had all kinds of worthless stuff in it, except this little treasure. I picked up the camera, and approached the head gypsy. " Who did you kill to obtain such an item," I asked? After assuring me that no murder took place, I moved on to the inevitable moment of the garage sale haggle. "How much for this camera? I don't think it works." "Mmmmm....... five bucks?" "Will you take two?" sold.
I finally dusted it off today, and took it into a photography store, where they were able to explain to me that not only was this a great deal, but this is how you load something called film.
I am absolutely enthralled that this camera is actually in great working order. I look forward to learning how to use it.

Introducing Gordy

2007-04-09T23:33:00.000-05:00

What is it that brings a man to this point. I have known of Gordy (by name) for over seven years, and have never seen him do anything to change the situation that he is in. Do you think its because he is happy?
My new expressive project is called "Happy Hog Rot," which will have many different sub-projects. Hopefully this project will stretch me artistically and socially. This man is one of the subjects of "Happy Hog Rot: El Pueblo."

Although not the organized manifestation of Happy Hog Rot, you can click here to see some of my ideas. Consider it "thinking out loud."

2007-03-04T21:19:00.000-06:00

Purpose [pur-puh s] 1.the reason for which something exists or is done, made, used, etc.

I saw this beautiful girl today. I was slightly mesmerized by the encounter, imagining that I was watching a movie. She also, apparently, is a Cubs fan, which earns her a few more points.
And now the sickness that is sin. I immediately started tearing my own life apart, scrutinizing everything about me, and coming up with practical ways that I could change, in order for her to find me attractive. “Loose some weight,” is always the main one for me. So in a matter of seconds, I have a new purpose, with an attainable goal.

I don’t hate myself. I might wish that I was a little leaner, but not enough to make weight loss my purpose. This situation ignited some thought, though. How important is purpose? When I become purposeful regarding anything, I honestly feel good. I have a mission. I have value. I have meaning. If I had a wife and children, I would have a purpose all of the time. And that purpose would be practical.

My life has purpose. Christ has purchased my life, making it not my own, and yet, the purpose it has given me seems sometimes to be ambiguous, in that it is unclear.

I was blessed to read Rob’s entry, regarding Nathan. The statement “I just want to say that I pity those who have to mourn without Jesus, because what we have done this week has been beautiful,” Really resounded with me today, as I watched this girl, and all of the places my mind went, thereafter.

I pity those who search for purpose without Jesus, because purpose is defined by this relationship.

XLI

2007-01-26T07:24:00.000-06:00

Though Your Sins Are As Scarlet...

2007-01-23T14:12:00.000-06:00

His Airness

2006-12-21T00:32:00.000-06:00

My roommate Joe, and I went in on picking up this amazing 6 disc set from Best Buy this week. not only is there a great documentary about Air Jordan, but this collection also boasts five of Mike's greatest games, in their entirety. This set also has some segments on MJ's Slam dunk contest participation, as well as some Dream Team clips.
A side note here: Have you ever noticed that Mark Price looks like at least five people that you know?

Milano. Grazie Mille, Mille Grazie.

2006-12-13T14:13:00.000-06:00

The whole of my household has been watching " U2:Live in Milan" alot this month. Direct TV is showing it throughout the month of december. Its amazing in HD, and digital surround sound. I especially like the performance of "Miss Sarajevo." I was suprised that the old man hit all of those notes.

Naughty Or Nice, This Is My List.

2006-11-19T20:18:00.000-06:00

+ 1000 xp, With Reduced Cast Time On All Spells And Abilities

2006-10-24T12:04:00.000-05:00

I was blessed to play a role in the wedding of two of my friends, earlier this month. It was great spending time with them, as well as some friends that I hadn't seen in quiet some time. Eric and Jen, you guys are so rad.

My First Trip To Wrigley Field

2006-09-14T08:41:00.000-05:00

The Best Part Of The Trip

2006-09-14T07:14:00.000-05:00

(From left to right) Joe Leinen, Ron Santo, Tim Kucera, me, and Patrick Hughes.

2006-09-04T22:26:00.000-05:00

Here is the Video

The Legend

2006-09-03T17:34:00.000-05:00

Today I watched a crowd of 24,000 plus fans stand to cheer one of the greatest athletes of my time. As Andre Agassi took his chair, he burst into tears. The noise of the crowd would escalate, totaly overwelming Agassi's emotions. With his hands covering his face, he would glance out to see the crowd that was showering him with so much endearment. Andre, once again, continued to weep. I also wept.

The Mystical

2006-08-22T16:37:00.000-05:00

I just got back into Des Moines after spending a couple of nights at my church's camp, which is convieniently located a mere 1.5 hours south of the metroplex. My pastor gave me the keys and sent me on my way. 36 hours without any human interuption.

At first, being alone for an extended period of time gets weird for me. At least my past experiences were strange, to say the least. This time was different, though. I figured it would be. I did have two specific goals in this retreat; to study God's word with "ears to hear," and to rest. I had a bit of time to think about what I believe, things i've believed in the past, and what I should believe.

This train of thought brought me to the recently erected topic of mystical spirituality, and the practices thereof. Its great timing, because of Chris's current post, and it's a great subject for me to tackle because of my "dual nature" concerning the issue.

The mystical and creative nature of my being desires these same types of connections with God. I am mystical. I, unlike a lot of my friends, am very emotionally driven. Apeal to my emotions = apealing to my core being. When I focus on the mystical (relate emotionally to) aspects of Christ, I tend to forget about the other ways that God speaks to his church (through His word, and Nature).

I know these are all connected, but my emotions happen to be the most turbulant aspect of my life. Relating Christ to this is obviously dangerous.

I have a hard time finding that medium between mystical and anylitical.

Dr. J. P. McStanigass's Personal Guide to the Art of the Live Record; Top 5 (in no particular order)

2006-08-22T13:25:00.000-05:00

Dr. J. P. McStanigass's Personal Guide to the Immortal Nineties: Music; Rock.

2006-07-25T23:55:00.000-05:00

What have I missed?

Rick Rubin, Thank You

2006-07-16T21:38:00.000-05:00

I Returned to Willey a Week Later

2006-07-14T10:44:00.000-05:00

The Two Shall Become One Flesh

2006-07-09T20:33:00.000-05:00

Photography by Erik Notz

My best friend Steve Leib got married on July 1st. The wedding took place in Willey, Iowa.

Willey is a group of homes and farms that surround a catholic cathedral that seems, from a distance, to rise from the corn fields. Next to the church, a man and his wife are building a vineyard. I talked to them for a while. John and Rose have traveled to a lot of places. They lived in Italy for a time, and decided to do a little research concerning vines and wine. Now they are making their dream of a vineyard a reality. The vineyard sits on top of a hill where you can look in all directions to see the rolling hills of north-western Iowa.
The town of Willey boasts a population of around 180 residents, making my friends wedding the event of the month. The whole town helped with the preparations, including a pavilion outside for dancing, food for both the rehearsal dinner and the wedding feast, and also a brunch that sunday morning. Even the trestle of the vineyard was decorated with ribbon.
I arrived in Willey friday night for the rehearsal dinner, and left after the brunch on sunday.

We celebrated Steve and Krystel's wedding for three days. It was amazing. I couldn't help but think about all of the weddings I have been to in my lifetime. Some were really great and some seemed empty. This celebration was amazing, the way that I always imagine a wedding should be.

I came home with a sense of spiritual rejuvenation. I really needed this experience, and God knew it. Praise the God that gives good gifts. He has gifted my friend with a beautiful wife, and has blessed me to be a part of their journey.

2006-05-29T01:31:00.000-05:00

Good News

Refugees in Iowa

2006-05-22T12:27:00.000-05:00

I want to introduce you to Marta Moses, her daughter Jeneba, and her nephew Alpha. Marta comes from Liberia, where she lived in a refugee camp with many of her family members. Her husband worked for the government in Sierra Leon, when civil war broke out in the area. Because of her husbands position, they imediatly fled to Liberia, where they spent 11 years in a refugee camp.
Marta hasn't seen her husband in 5 years. He went to get suplies one day, and didn't come back. Marta now lives in Des Moines with Jeneba and Alpha, and works as a cashier at a retail store.

It was so painful to look into Marta's eyes as she told us the stories of abuse and persecution at the camp. Her eyes swelled, along with mine, when she explained that her faith in Christ was what made life bearable in such horrible conditions.

Marta, Jeneba, and Alpha are one of many families in Des Moines who have been displaced by War. Please pray for them as they are still adjusting to an entirely new culture.

I am really excited about some ideas that Chuck and Sue Holcomb have regarding the influx of displaced people in Des Moines. There has been quite a lot of discussion regarding documenting their stories in order to bring awareness locally, and well beyond. I am very interested in these ideas, and hope to be involved in any project proposed. Please pray for Chuck, Sue, and anyone that will (or should) be involved. Pray for all of us, as we effect each others lives.

The Roseless Rose Garden

2006-05-16T13:00:00.000-05:00

Being inspired by Clay Gaspard, I decided to spend some time trying to figure out my digital camera.

Fisher of Fish: My Roomate "T Spoon"

2006-05-15T14:59:00.000-05:00

Last Call

2006-05-11T00:51:00.000-05:00

This is it guys. I am prepared to give up on new music if I can't find anything that I love about it soon. This is'nt a dry spell, this is a dry curse (about 4 years). I hate being this finicky about music. It so frustrating. Derek Webb is my current flavor, but I've liked Caedmon's Call for a long time.
I want something refreshing. Something that speaks to my soul like Waterdeep and Webb, but new. I fear that I am going to be one of those guys who talks about how music was so good ten years ago, but has become stale and cliche'. Oh wait, I already do that.

Where is the creative nature of God's spirit in music today?

Now, I don't want to start a war here. As far as I know, I haven't liked a band that anyone has sugested to me within the last 4 years, save a few bands that I enjoy in spurts. I want to listen to a record straight through, and barbarically scream out "hell yes" after the session. I want to weep, laugh, and get really excited when they come to my city for a concert. Help my heart please.

Bring Back that Bucket of Ice Cubes, and Switch it to a Pitching Wedge

2006-05-10T23:53:00.000-05:00

I played golf today for the first time in a long time. I was fairly happy with my score, considering I hadn't hit a ball in about eleven months. I finished the 18th hole at 68 strokes, which sounds great right away. The problem is that we only played the back 9, which means that I had an average of around 8 strokes a hole. Man I miss FOOF Golf. I play better under those conditions.

Where Is Josh's Blog?

2006-05-04T11:58:00.000-05:00

You know, ever since I started reading Firelance and WYL@TWWIITYS?, in the back of my mind, there is this lingering desire....

Desire can be detrimental to a man. Or a woman I guess. But I am not a woman, so I will speak as a man. Desire has brought down many a mighty character in this pantomime of life. Great people like VI Lenin and Gary Busey.

But my desires seem to be those akin to a simple man on a simple weblog. I want Josh's blog.

Now, maybe I am an idiot, and just haven't taken the time to find Josh's blog, but I am pretty sure that Spoon would provide the convience of a link for me. And he hasn't. So whats the prob fellas?

Balkan Beat Box

2006-04-06T12:37:00.000-05:00

I just found this cd yesterday, so I ordered it. I would be interested to here what you all think of the sample tracks.

Charlie and the Great Glass Elevator

2006-03-30T20:24:00.000-06:00

Three months ago I took a trip to Wheaton, to visit with Rob and Janet. It was fascinating seeing Rob as a dad and a husband. Even though we keep in touch, I hadn't spent any time with him while he was "parenting" or "husbanding." It was a beautiful experience.

I had about six hours of drive time after leaving Wheaton, which usually translates to some silence and meditation. I then got to thinking about something that Rob said to me a long time ago.
You see Rob was the Assistant Site Director in Monterrey, which was my last summer with TIME. Rob wanted to surprise Janet, his then girlfriend, by showing up in Chicago when she was getting back from some sort of missions trip. Rob left Mexico for a week, and when he got back to MTY, he told me about all of the great things that people do when they are hopelessly in love, and all of the things that he and Janet did because they were hopelessly in love, and so forth.

He also told me about his ride on the "L" from the airport. He said it was the first time he had been alone all summer, and it felt great. It felt great. I knew exactly what he meant. We had been around large groups of students all summer. You kinda forget what It means to be alone.
I wanted that. I remember wanting to be alone so much after hearing about Rob and how he got to be alone. It was such a strange feeling, because before that summer, I was a lonely bastard.

I thought a bit about loneliness on that drive home. How it sucks to be alone sometimes and how it sucks to be with people sometimes. I also thought about how Rob and Janet must have felt alone sometimes while they were in Croatia, and how they probably wished they weren't feeling alone.
I also thought about my friend Aaron and how he probably felt alone when he first moved to Dallas.
Then I thought about Donald Miller's Don Astronaut cartoon from Blue Like Jazz, and how I didn't want any of my friends to end up as " just a shell of a man with nothing but a spark for a soul."

Waterdeep has a song, which at one point says:

I hope we sit together when Jesus serves the wine.
So I can look into your eyes when I taste it the first time.
You know that there are no secrets when
your sittin' at that table.
And I believe we'll smile really knowingly
when we read the label.

And it says "passions sacrifice to keep from going crazy."
And we'll all tip our glasses to the host who used to look so hazy.
We'll drink it down all sweet and slow and slip inside His mind,
and realize as it goes down, that this is communion wine.

It was really great to see Rob, Janet, and Sim. It was wonderful experiencing their servants hearts and their love.

As a Dog Returns to its Own Vomit

2006-03-21T21:36:00.000-06:00

Well my friends, I have some good news. I have returned to Starbucks. I have already worked four days this week, and am on the fast track to the position of shift supervisor. I had forgotten how much I missed "the siren." Her warm embrace was a welcome one. I truely am glad to be back at the "Bucks." (Just a quick update).

Bono, a city in Ohio

2006-02-20T10:43:00.000-06:00

Hey oo dos fans ( everyone I know in Dallas and Illinois save Spoon maybe ),

This is going to be my first post related to those boys from the emerald isle. Although I have been known to dog on the band I like to call "Spy Plane," I might be considered a "in the closet" U2 fan.Although I am not as familiar with them as Blogbarger or Firelance, I am more apt to find myself on the "U2 fan" side of the fence.

Why bring this up now? Well I recently had the pleasure of seeing a high definition broadcast of a show from the Vertigo tour. I am sure some of you know about it. It was filmed at Chicago's United Center, where I had the privilage of seeing my first Dave Matthews Band concert.

A little side note here . No apologies for loving that concert. I became a Dave fan while he was still putting out good records. Now there seems to be no hope for the future of my DMB fanship. Please Dave, prove me wrong.

The u2 concert was great from start to finish. I really like it when bands get in front of a huge audiance, and use some of their time for a little social activism. In this case it was regarding world hunger and poverty. It was great. Adam Duritz does this type of thing in his shows too, although Bono seems to be a little more proactive about it.

I can't really say much about the music because I am so unfamliliar with it. I did however enjoy some Bullet the Blue Sky, and Where the Streets Have No Name.

So here it is. I may never be super obsessed with OO Dos, but I really want to like them more than I have in the past.

The Lost and Found

2005-12-19T16:20:00.000-06:00

Moments ago I was pondering a few things. You see, right now I am at a computer, pushing buttons. Words become sentences and paragraphs. An hour ago, I was at work. Helping old people put 32 inch tvs into their Ford Festivas. This is how I make a living. TVs into Festivas. Pretty glamerous.

But I really don't want "glamerous." It's not my goal to go out there and make my life some amazing explosion of glory everyday. But there exhists in me some amount of anguish expelling onto the floor. My self description on this blog speaks to this situation. This is a season of preperation, my friends.

I always seem to have a great idea as to what it is I am being prepared for. Its kinda like we , or I , have been given a Mad Lib book from God:

" Jason, this is Jesus. I just wanted to let you know that the reason you work in a warehouse with a bad knee and a history of hernias is that I am preparing you to travel to ( the most amazing place ever) and once you are there I will bless you."

Fall of 2004 I moved from Des Moines, Iowa to Dallas, Texas. I made the trip south because a friend of mine needed a room mate, and there were high prospects of the both of us eventually moving to Austin, and attending film school. The move was a smart choice because I already had a few friends there, and the rent was super cheap. But to be honest, what really drew me to Dallas was not the film school, not the rent, and not my friend who needed a room mate ( although I really love this guy). The real draw was the adventure. I was lacking adventure.
I have been to a lot of places in my short time on this mortal coil. Some places have been beautiful and some not so great, but with each adventure my addiction grown. Superbowl sunday, about four or five years ago, some of my closest friends asked me to go California with them. It would'nt cost me anything, which worked out because I had around twenty bucks, and I did'nt have to drive. The only catch was that I had to drop out of school and leave with them that next friday. I said I would think about it. three days later I had quit my job, quit school, and explained to my parents and my band that I was leaving.
That trip was amazing. We lived on penut butter and bread for a total of two or three weeks, and were graciously fed by a family that we knew in Pasadena for the remainder of the trip. We vividly witnessed God provide us with food and shelter. We saw the cliffs over the ocean along highway one. We saw the sun rise over the desert in New Mexico. We played music at a bar in Flagstaff, Arizona in order to make enough money for a hotel room for the night (but only because the overnight temps were suposed to dip down below freezing that night). We did'nt shower for spans of weeks. We were free.
Those are the moments that I look forward to. The adventures.

sitting still was never enough. But should it be? I mean I know a few people in my life who have a family and a mortgage and are content. I have an oppertunity to engage in a well paying career, but it would require me to settle down for the next four years or so. I have never thought four years ahed ever.
I don't want to be that person who tells God what to do, so now, I am waiting. maybe thats the answer.

God Is A Being, Not A Product.

2005-12-02T17:02:00.000-06:00

I just finished reading another book by Donald Miller. Man this guy really puts out some great stuff. He covers a lot of ground in this one. This book seems to finish my own sentences.
For so long its seemed as though there were only pockets of people in and around my life that see these relational truths about Christ and His church, and even less people writing books about it. But come to find out, there are others. Check out http://www.burnsidewriterscollective.com/. I have yet to read other authors from this group, but I am excited to do so, and will probably post my reactions – good or bad.
Another book that I was just thinking about is Enter the Worship Circle, by Ben Paisley. I was introduced to the author at a small coffee shop in Des Moines, where he and his wife were playing some music. After reading Paisley's book, I realized that God was now, and always had been passionately persuing me. I haven’t read through it in a few years, but I was reminded about it when I started reading Miller’s work. Give them both a shot.

Out of Slavery

2005-11-23T18:13:00.000-06:00

"I never liked jazz music because jazz music doesn’t resolve. But I was outside the Bagdad Theater in Portland one night when I saw a man playing a saxophone. I stood there for fifteen minutes, and he never opened his eyes.
After that I liked jazz music.
Sometimes you have to watch somebody love something before you can love it yourself. It is as if they are showing you the way.
I used to not like God because God didn't resolve. But that was before any of this happened."
-- Donald Miller, author of Blue Like Jazz.

I just finished reading the book Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller. Every four years or so I read a book that rocks my perspective on existence. This is one of those books. I was drawn in by the transparency of the author. I really enjoyed this book. It has promoted, in me, spiritual growth and meditation on various issues like grace, social responsibility, faith, relationships, and community.

I support the reading of this book, to be sure.

Snow Capped Mountains of Corn

2005-11-15T23:13:00.000-06:00

I watched it snow today for the first time in about two years. It was that Currier and Ives style of snow that gently falls from the sky, about the size of a quarter, and quickly disapears once it hits the warm concrete. I love this time of year.

I am starting this blog without any clear intentions. I actually had never seen a "blog" before today. Perhaps as time proceeds, intentions will be realized.